So I recently had someone ask me to help them find a coach/mentor in this business who understands the difference between a VA and an Administrative Consultant.
Ummm, hellooooooo? What am I, chopped liver? Do you even know where you are?
So, let me get this straight… you don’t want to work with me because I’m “too harsh and our personalities wouldn’t mesh,” but you think asking me to find you someone else is not somehow insulting?
Mind you, this isn’t someone who has ever actually spoken with me, much less even inquired about working with me.
Look, I get it. If you want fancy, frilly writing from someone who blows smoke up everyone’s ass, I’m not your girl. But that doesn’t make me “harsh.”
And I don’t have a lot of respect for people who use that word. Especially when it’s directed at a woman, as well as when it comes from one woman to another.
Because “harsh” is used as a sword against women for not fitting the mold, for not conforming to what society tells women they need to be and how they should speak and behave: to be “nice” and “get along.”
(Translation: Appease others at all costs, stuff your own feelings and needs, and whatever you do, don’t say what you really mean because god forbid you as a woman should speak clearly and directly with conviction and a point of view lest you make anyone uncomfortable).
Are your feelings hurt merely because I’m direct and use straight-forward sentences and don’t beat around the bush?
Are there not enough happy faces and cute unicorn emojis for you?
Or do you just feel abashed because I called out the rudeness of your request so you want to now deflect it onto me.
Yeah, I don’t have time for that BS.
How about this? Be a grown-up and own your own shit. Stop expecting others to dull their intellect or competence because you feel insecure.
What’s actually going on is you are afraid.
I would never throw that fear in your face if we were working together. That’s not what I’m about. (I’m about helping people overcome their fears with a combination of straight talk and tough love and giving them the knowledge and tools to be more confident and successful in their business.)
But when you try to blame me for your personal issues and level the word “harsh” against me, that’s your problem, not mine.
And here’s a little advice on good manners: If you don’t like someone, don’t follow them.
Get off their page, get off their mailing list, and get lost. Stop resenting them on one hand while consuming everything they offer on the other.
And what you especially don’t do is ask them to help you find a substitute (like, “I don’t like you so much, but I’ll suck up all your free stuff and, oh, hey, can you also refer me to someone else who knows as much as you… for free, of course”).
Gawd, does this really even need to be said? Just f**k off already.
Is that too harsh? 😉
The bottom line is, I think most people (the people who matter) are smart enough to understand that I can be both strong and assertive in my writing generally while still able to take a firm, but gentle approach in guiding people with whom I may work personally.
And I’ll tell you one more thing: You won’t find another person out there with more integrity than me. Because people with actual integrity speak truth and will tell you what you need to hear, not what you want to hear, to succeed.
Others will say anything and pretend to be whatever they need to in order to get your money. There are a lot of hacks out there like that, and you can have them if that’s what you want. But it won’t be me referring you to them.
I have no substitute. I originated my teaching on this industry and there isn’t anyone else qualified with my level of knowledge and expertise to be teaching it.
So, if you want to learn about Administrative Consulting, you’ll have to get it from me. Otherwise, you’re on your own.
Wow – I can’t believe her audacity!
I feel you have a lot to offer and planned to purchase your whole package, however the email blog: “I Have No Substitute” that was sent to my email account was a bit much.
Mainly, the foul language and the fact I was no party to whatever transpired. I got your point and agreed with the premise, just not the whole diatribe.
I’ll let you in a little secret, Ida…
It’s true you weren’t personally party to what transpired. However, I post these kind of things for several very intentional reasons:
1. Being fully myself and expressing my genuine thoughts is the best way to connect with more of my right/ideal audience—those people who appreciate the real me and not some vanilla, manufactured persona. I like people who appreciate “keeping it real” and they can always trust in my honesty, integrity, and authenticity.
2. I am not going to censor myself or temper my thoughts to placate the easily offended. Those are not the people I want to reach, work with, or have around me.
3. It’s the easiest, quickest way to shake out the rug and get rid of the hangers-on who never take action, contribute, or invest anyway, and who otherwise don’t add any value to my world (while I bust my ass to create and deliver value to theirs).
4. I want others to know what kind of poor manners/bad behavior will not be tolerated so they don’t make the same mistake. If a person doesn’t have any respect for me, they don’t need to be here.
Because what this me-me-me society so easily forgets is that the world doesn’t revolve around them. Relationships and manners are a two-way street, and it’s okay if we are not a fit for each other. Just be sure to leave politely so no one has to throw you out.
Well said Danielle. I agree with you.
Way to go Danielle – I have been doing Administrative work for a very long time, and it was you who inspired me to invest in me, put my skills out for everyone to see. I know what I can do and you are the one pushing me to do it. My website will be ready soon and will share then, meantime…..keep urging everyone on in the special and unique way you do!
Couldn’t agree with you more Danielle. Say what you mean and mean what you say – good on you for doing both!!
You continue to be an inspiration to me: the high quality work you offer, both as your paid packages as well as all the free material you’ve built up here over the years. And it’s good to hear someone speak truth without equivocation.
I’m grateful for all you do.
I’ve finally found you again. I lost all my bookmarks when I changed systems and have been struggling to re-create things.
I find it incredible when women don’t support other women. Considering we’re usually 50% of the population, it is amazingly annoying to me when people expect others to live up to their personal standards; and when lack of support comes from other women because of some silly reason like an aversion to foul language (I can think of some political personalities from whom that language is a daily deluge if not hourly) or because a person wasn’t directly involved in a situation so, of course, it is irrelevant to them and certainly isn’t a learning possibility!
Sisters, IMHO, should always support sisters–even when we don’t personally know one another.